So now that we are fully settled into life down here in SC, I am ready to go back to work. Ready is an understatement. This week, I’m pretty frustrated because I thought that I had landed a full-time job with a company down here for a position that I was really interested, and everything was going great. However, suddenly though, I have been unable to get a hold of them, so I have no idea where things stand. I feel like a desperate girl waiting by the phone for a guy, thinking “Why hasn’t he called?” and I hate that feeling. So while I still think that this position is a possibility, I realize that I need to keep pursuing other opportunities. Today, I started to contemplate the vastness of the possibilities available to me, and got more than a little overwhelmed. I know, I know, most people would kill to be in my shoes because despite being unemployed, I have a roof over my head, health insurance, and a husband that will support me in whatever I decide to do. Cameron just wants me to be happy and find something that I’m passionate about, and would be completely fine with whatever I choose to do. But the problem is that being in my position where I’m completely free to do what makes me happy really starts to make you question what it is that I want. Part of me thinks that since the next couple years we’ll probably have to move around for Cam’s career, maybe I should just get a part-time job doing something that I enjoy and volunteer with an organization that I am passionate about. But then the voice in my head keeps telling me ‘You went to U of M, you’re fully capabable of getting a great full-time job.’ So part of me thinks that what makes the most sense is to have a full-time office job where I will make the most money as that’s what’s really important in these next few years so we can travel, buy a house, etc. But then the other part of me thinks, do I really want to waste the opportunity to volunteer with causes I care about and work at a job, while it may not require a college degree, it would be something that I really enjoy? I really want to start volunteering, but have been hesitant to do it so far because I keep thinking, I don’t want to commit, then get a full-time job and have to stop. And then there is a whole other part of me that things I should do something completely different and start a business that I am in control of and can pour my time and energy in to. My concern is that while I sit here and contemplate which path I should take, that I am wasting time by doing nothing, which is what really bothers me more than anything. Meanwhile, I keep putting a guilt trip on myself for feeling as though I’m wasting this time I have at home now by not getting a hobby or learning something new. Like I feel as though since I have this time at home right now, I really should be flying through a stack of NYTimes best-selling novels, learning an instrument or language, teaching myself how to make glass mosaics, sculpt, or some other artistic skill, all the while making gourmet meals every night. So at the end of the day when all I’ve done is a load of laundry, a half hour on the treadmill, bake a piece of salmon, and watch TV, I kind of feel like I’ve wasted another day. (This is the overachiever/perfectionist in me haha) Then the other part of me thinks, I need to stop making myself feel guilty for not doing a bunch of new hobbies, I need to be putting all my mental energy into finding a job. So for now, I’m still unemployed, but I’m really going to stop trying to drive myself crazy with all these options and just enjoy the way things are right now. Because one thing I do know is that the grass is always greener, and once things change and I am busier with a job, I won’t have time to go to 10 am workout classes, take leisurely trips to Whole Foods, and swim in my pool at 2 pm, so I really need to just live in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts.
But on the upside, during one of my leisurely Whole Foods runs yesterday, I found a new love–Bissinger’s Naturals Gummy Pandas. Now if you don’t know, I am OBSESSED with gummy bears. I love love love them. It’s weird because I didn’t really care for them that much growing up, I’ve always been more of a chocolate person, but over the past few years, gummy bears have become my favorite candy by far. (When we were in Germany this spring aka the land of Hairbo, I ate an obscene amount of them!) However, I know that gummy bears aren’t exactly the best thing for you, so that’s why I was so thrilled with this find these adorable little bears by Bissinger’s. They are adorable little gummy bears that are made with organic sweeteners and real fruit extracts with no artificial ingredients. They come in grown up flavors like Apricot Green Tea, Pink Grapefruit, Pomegranate White Tea, and Goji Guava, and are rich in antioxidants and Vitamin C. I got 2 bags-one of Raspberry Yumberry and one of the Blueberry Acai. I opened the Raspberry in the car on the way home yesterday to try them and ended up eating the entire 4 oz bag. They have the texture of traditional gummy bears but are much more flavorful. And I know what you’re thinking, just because they’re from Whole Foods and are “natural” doesn’t make them anything other than what they are–candy. However, I’ve realized that as healthy as I try to eat, I’m never going to be able to not eat candy. (and why should I?!) But at least with these gummy bears, I can feel a little less guilty since they have a few good for you ingredients…plus, they’re kind of pricey for a little 4 oz bag, so I’m hoping that’s what will kick my gummy bear addiction! So while I may be struggling to figure out what to do with my life, at least I’ve got gummy bears 🙂